To begin with the Geertzian necessity (yeah, yeah Bertrand Russell, Stephen Hawkings, blah blah blah) “It’s turtles all the way down.”
“If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck… it’s a fish.” (Yay! Cladistics.)
“History is a long time.” (made all the better by a Paleontologist saying that.
What the fuck is a species? Hell if we know. How does something speciate? Hell if we know.
Wallerstein had a very interesting nose.
Anthropology- you can die doing it!
“Planet” is the Greek word for “wanderer.”
Chumanzee= unofficial name for what would exist if Chimps and humans were to reproduce. I’m still a bit fuzzy on why people are so enthralled, I would think Bonobos and humans or Chimps and Bonobos would work better. Plus! “Bonoho” would work for humans and is way funnier a name… Also, in reference to this was the comment “the love persists…” Take that as you will.
We should take the fossil record literally… No, we shouldn’t.
Sperm in a certain species of mice act in an altruistic manner. (but you know, only if we go so far as to anthropomorphize mouse sperm; simultaneously the most awkward and hilarious debate every to be had in the building of Condon.)
Amazing joke: “Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar… and it doesn’t.”
There are also mini-conversations like this:
“It doesn’t mean that the fastest zebra won’t die from a predator.”
“Or an asteroid…” —We were discussing how people misunderstand natural selection as an active force in evolution.
Certain species of flies know not to mate because they are adapted to have an expectation of a certain amount of tactile stimulation… Also, maybe not the most awkward conversation to have when prof. walks into the room, but definitely in the top ten.
According to one of my professor’s, in his professional opinion, “bees are very weird…”
That Harrison Ford really can’t act outside a certain set type… and that he tends to do that which, in all technicality, is tantamount to raping women characters… Oh, and that “Bladerunner” is an AWFUL movie to watch if the douchiest professor ever is teaching it.
According to Pop. Culture Theory prof, in reference to those who are viewed as hicks: “Red wine in a box. Fine. In a bottle. No. No, no, put it down Jethro…”
When you have a PhD it is acceptable to use the word “douche” multiple times in lecture.
Send naughty text to ex.
Send naughty photo to ex.
End up being the reason why he has to make up some b.s. reason to tell his friends why he can’t stand up at the end of dinner… Even three hundred miles away I am just that good ;)
Be prepared for a disproportionate number of your crushes to turn out to be married/engaged/already committed long-term.
I’d be in the perfect position to be someone’s mistress if my morals didn’t put me opposite of doing so.