Somewhere in the last few posts I wrote, “I don’t think you want me to love you.” After which it then dawned on me that that is what I feel. That I don’t think you want me to love you. That somehow, this all got started and you thought you’d wanted something but perhaps…
People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..
(I shouldn’t need you, love. That’s the thing. I shouldn’t need you. I should want you, yes, more than I could express. But if I’m needing you that isn’t love the way it ought to be. That’s a state of dependence which only ever leads to misery.)
“When we were children, we used to think that when we grew up, we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.”—Madeleine L’Engle (via makingdens)
“I know it is hard to accept, but an upset in your life is beneficial, in that it tells you that you are off course in some way and you need to find your way back to your particular path of clarity once again”—(via hopelivelovelaugh)
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”—Anatole France (via misswallflower)
“You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy.”—
Cecelia Ahern (Love, Rosie)
And I so love you this way, darling boy. But already it feels as though there is so much of me that you do not.
“We were never lovers, and we never will be, now. I do not regret that, however. I regret the conversations we never had, the time we did not spend together. I regret that I never told him that he made me happy, when I was in his company. The world was the better for his being in it. These things alone do I now regret: things left unsaid. And he is gone, and I am old.”—
“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”—Chuck Klosterman (via feistyfrenziedfervent)
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses, you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. It’s a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love.”—
I tried to ignore it. Not because I didn’t want it. Not because I knew it would be so dear to me, but because I knew that if I let you in, that far and you left, like everyone else, I would be so broken. I chose others. I let others in. Now that I think about it, it was because I needed to see…
M: It’s practically as bad as all at once being so sure you exist, and being completely convinced that you’re not real at all. You feel like your soul might actually split in two to accomodate the competition between the ideas; to keep you from being destroyed.
M: It’s this confusing place where you’re all at once happy that you met them and completely pissed that you did.
M: Because it may have been painful at times to be alone, but the risk was smaller. Because they’re precisely what I want except that the future has already been delimited to an extent that there isn’t much point in hoping for it. Because I’m not sure I really wanted to know that I could love someone this much, like this.
“They’re fucking gross, man. Look, I love beautiful girls too. I think everyone should be free to have their knee socks and their sweaty shorts, but I’m over it. I’m over this weird, exhausted girl. I’m over the girl that’s tired and freezing and hungry. I like bossy girls, I always have. I like people filled with life. I’m over this weird media thing with all this, like, hollow-eyed, empty, party crap.”—
“I wish love was like volleyball. When you say ‘mine,’ everyone would back off, and the ball would be all yours. But it is not, because love is like a basketball. Everyone’s aiming for it. And if you don’t know how to hold the ball well, others will steal it from you.”—
Who knew that it would be so simple as opening yourself up to being loved? Who knew that all it took was me allowing the possibility to find you? I expected it to be so much more difficult that this has knocked me right off my feet and left me feeling a bit unsure about standing up again.
But you are so good, and to love you and be loved by you creates such happiness.